


All You Can Do Is Stay

by FleshMazeTango



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Gen, i don't write angst usually, i usually do crack or humour, not sure how well I did, supposed to be angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:14:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28283004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FleshMazeTango/pseuds/FleshMazeTango
Summary: Gift for hey-hamlet:Ham: "Why is there no angst about dying?"Me: "Make it yourself?"Ham: "No that's too much work."Me: "Then I'll do it. It'll be your Christmas gift."
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	All You Can Do Is Stay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heyhamlet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyhamlet/gifts).



> Title is taken from Tokyo Ghetto by E ve on YouTube. 
> 
> This is a gift for hey-hamlet, written by someone who doesn't know how to write angst, so it may come across more melodramatic than angsty, if that. If you like it, great. If you don't, don't say anything, let this just fade from memory. May have accidentally stayed from the prompt a little, but like: I didn't know how to plot it all out, it was written while I was fueled by the rain. Anyway it hits a few main points.
> 
> Oh yeah, I also don't know a thing of Hades besides a few character names and the bare bones plot. So if something seems weird or inaccurate, that's probably because it is.

The Underworld is not a good place. This, everyone can agree on. It’s not the worst place, but. There’s a reason he wants to escape. He wants to leave this dark place, and finally see the surface. Even more important than that, Zagreus desperately wants to see his mother. He feels it in his chest - a longing, a yearning. Even just seeing a glimpse of his mother would be perfect, and to talk to her would be even more than perfect. Something sublime, something so marvellous, and to hear her voice? Maybe then he could finally have a death that doesn’t leave him hollower.

And oh, does he know about death. Beating, slashing, gouging, over and over and over. A demented repeat that never ends. He gets so far, sometimes. He gets exceedingly close, the end just within spitting distance, and he falls. He falls, and every time he does, he has this doubt. Is it really, truly worth it? Must he constantly take this pain? Oh he’ll put up a brave face, as all the denizens do, and he’ll make his jokes, because what else is there to do? Cry? Oh, but that’s not always so easy. The Underworld isn’t a place conducive to crying, the souls that end up there already do enough crying for everyone. It doesn’t help them any.

And if it doesn’t help those souls any, why would it help him? So he’ll take the deaths with a grimace, and he’ll take the pain. The aching, bone deep pain. Every time he dies, sure he’s restored to perfect health, but the memory sticks. Sometimes, when he isn’t focusing on a fight, his arm will twinge with an aftershock of something long gone. It’s like his body thinks something should be there, even though his mind knows that there is nothing.

Sometimes he thinks he can feel teeth closing around him, sinking in, tearing the flesh. But whenever he checks, because maybe there is something there, there’s nothing. And he feels like a fool for doing so. Sometimes he feels like he’s being pierced by all manner of weapons and attacks. Sometimes, he actually is being struck down, the memory and the reality working together to torment him. And, inevitably, he’ll die from it. Just death, constantly.

He knows how it feels to have the life leave his body, to be unable to move any part of him, to barely be able to look at who offed him this time. To feel the light leave his own eyes as his struggle to stay alive fails once again. He knows what it’s like to lay there and wonder if this will lead to another phantom sting, another new-old ache. He hates it. He just wants to leave. To maybe, finally, stop dying and _see his mother_.

Can he please just see his mother? Can he please stop dying? Can someone, anyone, please be sympathetic to his plight? He just wants to leave, _is that too much to ask_?

He’ll continue fighting, it’s the only way, it seems. But why. Why does it have to involve dying? He’s not even able to go anywhere after dying, constantly going back to the beginning. Where would he even go if could actually, properly die? Right back where he began _anyway_. There’s no end for him, death is never the end. He gets no release, and even if there was a way to simply not exist anymore, it wouldn’t allow him to get to the surface. Non-existence would not get him any closer to seeing his mother.

Maybe it was his fault, maybe he was the reason he kept dying. This was definitely punishment, but he couldn’t fault the others, acting on the command of Hades (though he sometimes wanted to, perhaps having a little too much lingering resentment). Maybe he’s not strong enough, or smart enough, or tenacious enough. Maybe, in the grand scheme of things, he should have stayed dead when he was born. Maybe he should never have _been_ born. Would certainly make things easier. For him, for everyone. Maybe he should off himself instead. Sure, he’d just end up back at the beginning, but maybe he could save others the trouble. After all, if he’s going to die again anyway, shouldn’t he get a say in how it ends? Instead of having his death taken out of his hands, maybe he should take initiative? Maybe everyone will finally let him go through if they think he’s gone mad, if they think he’s lost himself to fury and sadness, especially if he pisses off his dad enough, though his dad is also a petty bitch, and might just let him lose himself completely. Would it be just an act after a while, or would it become his truth?

But that, again, isn’t a way to achieve his end goal. Death is not the answer for him, as it shouldn’t be an answer for anyone. Dying won’t make anything any easier.

He’s thought about finding ways to give up his deity status – making it so that he’s not part of the Underworld anymore so he has no reason to be kept there. But that would mean he’s limited, again, and may end up right back where he started at the end of that life too. He doesn’t know if he could take that. It might break him to come back here after living on the surface, leading right back to the insanity the other method would produce. So that’s not an option either.

There’s only one option for him to take, and that’s to continue to fight his way out, to continue to die. To continue to feel like he’s falling apart at the seams, sometimes.

Dying should be peaceful, it should be gentle. Why does he draw the short straw every time? Why do his deaths have to be violent and constant? Why can’t it, for once, be a gentle goodnight? Why is it always so vicious, if nearly no one bears any ill will towards him? Why, why, _why_ , _**why**_ , **_why_**.

All these questions, and he knows he’ll never get an answer.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh yeah - hey-hamlet you can post this wherever if you want but give me warning so I can hide for the next 36 hours.
> 
> Merry Christmas.


End file.
